017 | There Is Nothing Lacking About You
8:27 AM , Saturday
Amethyst Coffee, Lakeside
Dear Beautiful Humans,
Are you well? I hope so. And if you are not, that is also well.
I wonder, are you an early riser or a night owl?
Honestly, I feel like I’m both!
But I’ve repeatedly noticed I get super bummed about life and my day when I get up late, so as long as my schedule allows, I made a commitment this week to wake up at 5:45am every morning.
The first week has been incredible. I got back into CrossFit (AGAIN, hehe), am making progress with school and various projects, have a more consistent driving schedule for Lyft (which I drive part time), and went on my first trail run this morning in ages!
Something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately came into my mind on my run. Comparison.
It’s been coming up on so many levels … comparing my grief, trauma, the kind of friend I am, what other people are doing, the progress we’re making.
We hear “comparison kills” or “comparison is the thief of joy”, but sometimes when you hear something the same way all the time, it starts to lose its meaning.
So what do we do with this?
There are a number of ways to move forward, but two in particular came to mind on my run.
One, we can think about how to infuse new meaning into language we’ve used before.
Two, we can use new language.
I thought about this notion of new language. How can I think about this differently so that it helps me choose a different path when my brain starts wanting to compare?
I thought about how each of us has a path, a story, an energy within us that is unlike anyone else’s. I thought about a city, made up of millions of light sources and each one being a person living fully as themselves without comparing.
I liked this imagery of each person as a being of light, but to be honest, the imagery is connected to some old ways of thinking I was having a hard time with and was tripping me up.
So instead of forcing it, I decided to let it go. Maybe I need to give it more time to loosen its attachment to an old way of thinking.
I regrouped and asked myself, “What is comparison? What is really going on there? What’s happening in my mind?"
When I compare, I’m wanting something I don’t have, something that seems better, whether it has to do with who I am, how I’m doing something, or what I’m doing.
When I compare, I think something is missing.
Comparison is all about a lack.
I remembered something Rob Bell said in his book “How To Be Here” that I read ages ago. He said, you who AREN’T isn’t interesting.
Who you ARE NOT, what you ARE NOT doing, and what you DO NOT have in your life is not interesting. And that’s what comparisons is … thinking about the lack of who you ARE NOT, what you ARE NOT doing, and what you DO NOT have.
So it follows that was IS interesting is who you ARE, what you ARE doing (or are capable of doing), and what you DO have.
It’s about what IS there as opposed to what’s NOT there.
The things we lack are literally endless. We could go in circles our whole lives about the things we lack. But the reality is, there is no lack.
There is nothing lacking about me.
There is nothing lacking about you.
I have everything I need. I am me.
And who I am is fun and exciting an exhilarating. Who I am is filled with possibility and the unknown and adventure.
"We all have our own thing. That’s the magic, that everybody comes with their own sense of strength and their own queendom. Mine could never compare to hers, and hers could never compare to mine."
–Jill Scott
The truth is, there is no comparison. It is a construct we create in our minds from an abyss of lack.
I was reminded of a fact I heard a while ago.
The odds of you being born are one in four hundred trillion.
Let that sink in a little.
That looks like this:
1 : 400,000,000,000
Each of us is a freaking walking miracle! The fact that we get to exist with those odds being the likelihood that we are born is ridiculous.
THERE IS NO COMPARISON.
No one is like YOU. No one has what YOU have. No one can do what YOU can do the way YOU do it because no one else is YOU.
One in four hundred trillion. You. Me.
It’s not about the lack. It’s about what is there. The “one” above IS there. We exist. We are here.
So the next time I am tempted to compare, I want remember, comparing isn’t interesting. Comparing is boring. Comparing isn’t any fun. There is nothing lacking about me. There is no comparison. I want to make comparison sound so lame and uninteresting that I actually lose interest in comparing as I remember this,
I exist.
I am one in four hundred trillion.
Much love to you all,
—Shel
I HAVE to share this song with you. It's called "Evaporation" by Josin, I’ve been listening to it on repeat and it will be on my list of “Sad Songs Make Me Feel Better” next week as well. If you didn't know, my friend Kelsey and I curate a weekly playlist we update every Monday. Be sure to check out Kelsey’s list of songs today before I update the list tomorrow! You can also find previous songs in the archive here.
Cover Image by Alex Braga via Unsplash
