014 | Simplicity & Beginning Again
5:21 PM , Sunday
Denver Beer Co.
I look REALLY happy about that beer. 😆
Dear Friends,
I will not overthink writing this letter.
I will not overthink writing this letter.
I will not overthink writing this letter.
K ... ready ... GO!
It's later in the day on a Sunday. I tried writing earlier this week, but it just wasn't there yet. So here I am, grabbing a drink and creating space to see what comes up. Mumford & Sons "There Will Be Time" plays in my ears. The song makes me feel so hopeful. I remember blaring it on the drive home after Beck's Celebration Service last week and bawling my eyes out.
I sit ... give space ... listen ...
Now I listen to SYML's "God I Hope This Year Is Better Than The Last", a song that has been like home the past few weeks. I put it on repeat. I settle in.
I find it interesting when I notice I haven't once asked, "Why did Beck die?"
I've thought about what it has felt like to lose her.
I've shook my head in disbelief thinking about her husband and kids, and how I can't imagine what this is like for them.
I've thought that if I could, I would have traded places with her because her kids need a mother.
I've thought a million things, but not, "WHY did she die?"
Why does anyone die? Why are we given a finite amount of time in this body in this place? Can we ever truly know the answers to these questions?
I used to have some. I don't think it's necessarily bad to have answers, but these days, I'm much more interested in living the questions.
The past few weeks, I've been asking questions that ask something of me ... that ask me what I will DO.
I have breath in my lungs. I have today ... so what am I going to DO with that?
I have things I dream of making happen ... so what am I going to DO with those dreams?
I have the ability to choose, to decide, to move in a direction ... so what will I DO with that agency?
I've also been thinking a lot about "needs". Really listening to my mind, body, spirit and knowing what I need. Some of those needs I can meet, some my people can meet (which may require me to actually ask), and some are needs that are not being met right now, but are still important to name and acknowledge.
I got to spend some quality time with a dear friend this week, and in our conversations, I realized I need simplicity in my life right now. I think I live fairly simply as a whole, but I need a new level of simplicity. Less choices and options to overload my mind, which I think will give me more energy to be present and focus on the things needing attention, like school and making music.
One thing we figured out is I need ONE journal/notebook right now. I think I had maybe five in my bag when we were hanging out. Ha! I need one physical space to show up with my writing and thoughts and whatever else I need to get down on paper. So we picked one of the notebooks that was half full, and marked the first blank page ... a page to begin again.
Last night, I wrote on the next page and started writing for the first time since Beck died. I mean sitting down and really writing, beginning once again to create. This is what I wrote.
let us begin again.
in all the ways that feel right
in this moment.
our past informs us, but it
does not have to define us.
perhaps it does, but that
is up to us.
we get to choose where
we take the story next.
or perhaps we
don't.
who
can
know
for
sure?
but we can hold this question.
stretch it out and see what it
does.
does. doing.
doing. does. do.
so what now, my friend?
i hope you do.
Much love to you all,
—Shel
P.S. My next show is sneaking up! I'm not playing many shows this year, so if you're in the area, would love to see you there. I'll be sharing the stage with some wonderful fellow songwriters for Boulder In-The-Round on Wednesday, May 1, at e-Town in Boulder at 7pm. Here's the Facebook Event Page and a link to Get Tickets.
My Human to Human EP is releasing THIS FRIDAY, APRIL 26th!
I'll be sharing pictures, videos, and stories leading up to and after the release primarily on Instagram, so if you're on the Gram, be sure to follow me over there!
Cover Image by ÉMILE SÉGUIN via Unsplash
