011 | Becoming Whole
9:19 AM , Friday
Otis Coffee
Dear Friends,
I've had a number of people ask me this week how I'm doing, and I noticed myself giving a similar answer. I think because I've been taking some time to look back on the year so far, especially the past 3 or 4 weeks.
In response to the question of how I'm doing, I've said something like this...
It's been a rough few months, but I know I wouldn't have been able to get where I'm standing now without going through it. It's like stepping stones in the water. You need each of them, one by one, to get across. It's been really hard, but I needed to go through it. Joy and sorrow. Not separate, but together.
I had a few especially dark weeks and days, and there were two specific things that got me through it.
One, the support of some incredible women in my life who showed up for me. They held me accountable when I needed to take actions to move forward and work through the pain, as well as simply be with me when there was nothing they could do. There is so much power in being with.
The other thing that got me through in a way that had more power than ever before was music.
It has been my medicine. Truly.
Not in a figurative sense, but writing music and listening to music has physically helped bring me out of moments of anxiety and panic. It's helped me breathe. It's helped me keep walking when I could feel a part of me wanting to give up. It's helped me process deep pain and difficult experiences in a way that moves forward.
I'm not sure how to put it all in words, but there has been so much light in the midst of the darkness. Joy and sorrow. You know it when you've done important, lasting work within. You feel the shift. Ground was taken. Stakes were hammered into the dirt.
I'd like to leave you with a poem I wrote. I'm part of a creative group that meets regularly, and for our most recent gathering, we decided to try writing a villanelle poem, a poem with a very specific form. I was unfamiliar with this form, as I'm still quite new to poetry, and found I really enjoyed the process.
I wrote the poem after a particularly rough few days. They were hard, but I was able to show up and really be present and let everything be what it was and fully experience it.
Becoming Whole
by Shel Kim Rollison
How do you warm a heart gone cold?
Before it gets better, it will get worse.
It’s a long walk, becoming whole.
Too many days turned black as coal.
Not just a hard day, but a growing thirst.
How do you warm a heart gone cold?
What if a good night’s rest withholds?
Winter’s reach, an endless curse.
It’s a weary walk, becoming whole.
In the labyrinth’s circling, I am consoled.
Perhaps this is hope rehearsed.
How do you warm a heart gone cold?
Wonder finds ways in, speaking words of soul.
What a gift it is to be with, to converse.
It’s a lovely walk, becoming whole.
The greatest task is to behold.
There is much goodness in the universe.
How do you warm a heart gone cold?
It’s a long walk, becoming whole.
May you find the ways that help you keep walking,
Shel
